"Gentlemen, You may smoke."
King Edward VII, right after his first dinner as king of england.
A cigar may seem to be the most unreasonable thing to suck on to(and i basically agree).Many disgust it for it's undesirable effects on the human physiology while some admire for it's unfailing ability to attract people to take the risk of that one puff. Ocassionally a smoker is the percieved bad guy or the cool hip guy by the street nonetheless, without any question, it is an instant abomination rolled into a stick.
Today i lighted my first.
It was tuesday July 15 2008,a rainy day. I just got home from class. I swiftly waltzed on the wet pavement of our dorm to my room(well our room). I removed my muddy leather shoes and place it beside the door. I went inside removed my damp clothes and changed. The room was a mess. I looked at my watch, it was 3:30pm: Time to take the usual Snore.
Jay-r woke me up with "Finding Nemo". Unable to still move he invited me to join him in his miryenda, I surely needed one. He was contemplatively watching the movie while i began to unconsiously devour half of his meal.After realizing that he's already 10 minuites late for his class, he left me alone with the dvd. I salvaged for a worthy movie but my best bet was "Cinderella", so i decided to lie down my bed, with little thoughts and too litlle budget to get through the day. I worried to much how to cure my boredom. I rolled back and forth in my bed trying to sleep but it was useless,I tried to listen to music but it was a faint effort, I ate mangoes, took a bath, brushed my teeth until it dawned on me: "hey what about a smoke!".
The idea came from nowhere,everywhere,somewhere. I wanted to solve my boredom so my mind ran over crazy thoughts and this was one of them. I knew people who died from it,im completely knowlegeable of it's adverse effects. I deliberately fought my own inside my mind. I was tacit for a while.I stood up,Wore my jacket and walked.
I continued my pursuit for the new sensation. I ran over the crashing rain. Drenched, i shook my head. My feet resisted to approach the store, as if i am going through a life-and-death situation. My hands shook and i felt an unusual chill climbing up my neck--i knew it wasn't the rain.
"Manong isang lights nga" my voice shaking. "Lights ba?" the man said while snapping the seal of the pack.I shook my head. He tapped the base of the pack and one stick came out. I placed my hands with two peso coins in it, above the small opening of his store. He placed the stick in my hand and took the two coins.I looked at the single stick.Glared, as if inspecting the anatomy of this thing in my palm."This'll thing will not kill me..this little stick will not even tickle a tissue!" I grinned, convincing myself with thoughts i fully know fallacious.
Falacious indeed.
I took the lighter beside the candy box. Lighted the cigarette and inhaled deeply.Small gray ashes fell. I inhaled and took another puff,another puff,another one.I sat on the Bonggalo chair on the shed beside the store while I puffed.I felt uneasy as if something is clogging inside my throat.
The smoke rose up in the amidst,slowly blending with my smell.I never coughed,unlike on those movies where first timers fake a cough.I inhaled again and i stared at the pouring rain.I Looked at what's left of my two pesos. I finished one stick.I flicked the cigarette butt,it landed on the muddy pavement. It's flame, Like the flame inside that i felt for last 30 minuites, has died yet smoke still came out.I stood up.
But will the smoke continue to linger devastate the insides of me?
Maybe.
Nothing is so certain. I may or may not light one again ever, but i will remmember every second,every puff, every breath, every smell, every thought,every sensation,every feeling,every emotion--Everything.
I will remmember the day my body craved for a touch of nicotine.
King Edward VII, right after his first dinner as king of england.
A cigar may seem to be the most unreasonable thing to suck on to(and i basically agree).Many disgust it for it's undesirable effects on the human physiology while some admire for it's unfailing ability to attract people to take the risk of that one puff. Ocassionally a smoker is the percieved bad guy or the cool hip guy by the street nonetheless, without any question, it is an instant abomination rolled into a stick.
Today i lighted my first.
It was tuesday July 15 2008,a rainy day. I just got home from class. I swiftly waltzed on the wet pavement of our dorm to my room(well our room). I removed my muddy leather shoes and place it beside the door. I went inside removed my damp clothes and changed. The room was a mess. I looked at my watch, it was 3:30pm: Time to take the usual Snore.
Jay-r woke me up with "Finding Nemo". Unable to still move he invited me to join him in his miryenda, I surely needed one. He was contemplatively watching the movie while i began to unconsiously devour half of his meal.After realizing that he's already 10 minuites late for his class, he left me alone with the dvd. I salvaged for a worthy movie but my best bet was "Cinderella", so i decided to lie down my bed, with little thoughts and too litlle budget to get through the day. I worried to much how to cure my boredom. I rolled back and forth in my bed trying to sleep but it was useless,I tried to listen to music but it was a faint effort, I ate mangoes, took a bath, brushed my teeth until it dawned on me: "hey what about a smoke!".
The idea came from nowhere,everywhere,somewhere. I wanted to solve my boredom so my mind ran over crazy thoughts and this was one of them. I knew people who died from it,im completely knowlegeable of it's adverse effects. I deliberately fought my own inside my mind. I was tacit for a while.I stood up,Wore my jacket and walked.
I continued my pursuit for the new sensation. I ran over the crashing rain. Drenched, i shook my head. My feet resisted to approach the store, as if i am going through a life-and-death situation. My hands shook and i felt an unusual chill climbing up my neck--i knew it wasn't the rain.
"Manong isang lights nga" my voice shaking. "Lights ba?" the man said while snapping the seal of the pack.I shook my head. He tapped the base of the pack and one stick came out. I placed my hands with two peso coins in it, above the small opening of his store. He placed the stick in my hand and took the two coins.I looked at the single stick.Glared, as if inspecting the anatomy of this thing in my palm."This'll thing will not kill me..this little stick will not even tickle a tissue!" I grinned, convincing myself with thoughts i fully know fallacious.
Falacious indeed.
I took the lighter beside the candy box. Lighted the cigarette and inhaled deeply.Small gray ashes fell. I inhaled and took another puff,another puff,another one.I sat on the Bonggalo chair on the shed beside the store while I puffed.I felt uneasy as if something is clogging inside my throat.
The smoke rose up in the amidst,slowly blending with my smell.I never coughed,unlike on those movies where first timers fake a cough.I inhaled again and i stared at the pouring rain.I Looked at what's left of my two pesos. I finished one stick.I flicked the cigarette butt,it landed on the muddy pavement. It's flame, Like the flame inside that i felt for last 30 minuites, has died yet smoke still came out.I stood up.
But will the smoke continue to linger devastate the insides of me?
Maybe.
Nothing is so certain. I may or may not light one again ever, but i will remmember every second,every puff, every breath, every smell, every thought,every sensation,every feeling,every emotion--Everything.
I will remmember the day my body craved for a touch of nicotine.
